— Original Message —
From: Gregor Smith (flc@scamcity.co.uk)
Sent: 17 November 2003 16:07
To: (recipients hidden)
Subject: New Brand Name!
From this day forth… Scam City version 6.0 (well, I’m really in 6.1 by now) shall be known as…….
VISUALADE
Your brand will be unique because this denotes:
drive through power
*funky new age logo will appear here soon*
Me thinks Jenny Dean of the REAL Visualade wont be too happy with my new brand name… But that’s for the courts to decide.
You know the old cliches… It’s not the winning, it’s the taking part… It’s a game of two halves etc. Well, it seems some nutty New Zealander has bet his citizenship on the Rugby World Cup…
Meaning if Australia win, he has to become an Aussie, which, apparently, is a big deal…
That’s hard-core! Imagine betting something like that on a game of rugby… How hammered must you be to have done that?
Seriously, there are other things in life.
I got a reply… She didn’t mean what she said yesterday.
I’m just sick of this whole runaround I’m experiencing… Is it always like this? It reminds me of a time years ago when me and a friend once spoke about “breaking up” and what happens thereafter. We’ve all done it. We’ve all been crushed in some way by a person whom we’ve given our hearts to. However, the breaking up, even the lovelorn feeling is not the hardest part of the break-up. The hardest part is having to see the person you broke up with (sometimes still love) moving on with life. You see him/her at the bar – you feel pathetic and cold. You see him/her while shopping – you feel pathetic and barren. You see him/her on the street – you feel pathetic and lonely. You see him/her in a porno you rented to make yourself “feel better” – You contemplate suicide. You are trying to self-satisfy yourself through manual stimulation, and you can’t help but think of that other person – you learn how to tie a noose.
I think my point is becoming clear. So, my friend and I devised a plan whereby a couple can break-up, and go on in life without having to suffer the continued trauma of breaking up. It’s a milder version of divorce court, but with much more drastic repercussions…
Basically, when you break up with someone, you are both taken to “break-up court”. At the court, it is decided who is a more important individual (i.e.. who will benefit society more in the long run; who is smarter; who is more artistically inclined; who is more interesting; who is a more whole person all around). Once the decision is made, then the person who doesn’t cut it is executed. And the winner gets to go on in life without ever having to see their ex again.
I wonder who wouldnt cut it between me and Melody, we’re both pretty good people in our own rights, just an explosive mix while together…
Remember Tuesday’s post about my Ex?
Well, it’s hitting home hard now and I can’t go on blogging about how she makes me feel… I was emailing my sister-in-law back and forth about it, and she asked for Melody’s email address… You know, for a girly chat and all that jazz.
Then all hell broke loose… “What the hell is this all about????????????????????? I thought we had resolved things?”
So resolving things means I can’t contact her or express the feelings I have about her to a member of my own (albeit dysfunctional) family?
Am I getting jipped here or what?
One argument lead to another and eventually she came out with how she never really loved me romantically in the first place, I’m just a really good friend.
OH! MY! GOD! You did not say that, tell me you did not say that?
“Of course I did… but as I told her [my sister-in-law] it wasn’t the kind of love that kept a marriage together. I loved you more as a good friend… and that’s a great love to have if you ask me”
If you look northwards, you might be able to see the flaming wreckage I was just shot down in…
Did she ever love me?
“I did but not the way you would want me to love you… but I don’t love you anymore romantically. i only care about you as a friend!”
Me thinks the lady doth protest too much… I sincerely hope she was just saying that out of some weird emotion of being blind sided by my family (who I rarely speak to about my feelings) otherwise she’s as messed up as me and I feel nothing but contempt for her.
I tried not to hate her, but it seems it’s all she’s left me with… But if she asked me to come over tomorrow, I’d be there in a flash… So what does that say about me?
… I think there’s no one else out there who’ll love me for who I am… But it passes.
Sometimes I get a feeling of impending doom… But it passes.
Sometimes I feel trapped… But it passes.
Sometimes I feel so useless… But it passes.
Sometimes I think about Melody… But it passes.
Sometimes I cry and I just need a hug…
I want!
It’s Bombardier’s Embrio… And boy does it look nice…
“Like the Segway, Bombardier’s Embrio concept–a prototype that may or may not make production–uses gyroscope technology to balance riders but adds a dash of flair absent in the Segway.”
Enviromentally kind too…
“The Embrio is powered by a hydrogen fuel cell, a technology that creates power by mixing hydrogen and oxygen, ideally resulting in water as the only exhaust.”
It’s a Q like gadget.
“Although Bombardier says the gyroscopes are enough to balance the Embrio, the vehicle is also kept longitudinally stable by a smaller wheel that operates like an airplane’s landing gear. It touches the ground when the vehicle is stopped or just starting. Once the Embrio is in motion, the landing gear will retract when the vehicle reaches about 12 mph. During braking, the gear redeploys when the vehicle slows to 12 mph.”
Coooooooooooooo….. I want!
I went to the doctor’s today to see if she could do anything about my recent episodes and lost more than an armful of blood for my troubles… But I got prescribed Propranolol Hydrochloride, which is a beta-blocker, which should ease any tension or anxiety I’ve been feeling.
Which is cool…
This one blocks adrenaline
Fear causes the body to spiral into an ever-increasing loop: more adrenaline causes more fear, which causes more adrenaline, etc. Propranolol can help. Blocking adrenaline interrupts the fear spiral.
That’s not all…
Propranolol is an intelligence-increasing drug when used in situations where fear prevents one from thinking normally.
I’m SO going to move things with my mind!!… Like John Travolta in Phenomenon.
OK, highly doubtful and improbable… But a genius in waiting can dream.
“Hold on tightly, let go lightly.”
I spoke to her on the phone, and we spoke candidly about a variety of subjects… Me, her, our life together and our future apart and it was great!
No really… I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was fearing the worst when I called, so did she (as she later told me), but looking back, I wish we could have been more open like that in the past. We agreed to remain close friends, but that’s all, which is cool by me, mainly because I’d rather have her in my life than not as she is such a huge part of it… I’m still gonna care about her and worry about what she’s doing and try to look out for her as best as I can but mostly I’ll always love her.
This sums it all up:
Youth by Trent Navillus
What a bore
the days of yore
Counting countless measures
Drinking shit
and swapping spit
Engaging earthly pleasures
Young and dumb
and full of cum
Excreting tiny treasures
Reading writing
always fighting
Loving daily leisures.
I don’t know if you’ll ever read this Melody, but I hope you could see where I was coming from all along… I’ll see you around sometime soon, at least it wont be as awkward as we feared…
Adding to my ever increasing levels of anxiety…
I’m going to try and contact her tonight, see what’s up. I’m not trying to force any issues but my will isn’t as strong as it used to be.
Looking back, this last week of postings has been great, I’ve always wanted to be a confessional writer and this episode has made me take that step. Blogging news stories and shit like that is one thing, but opening up your soul for the world to see is something completely different… I kinda like it.
“She says baby
It’s 3am I must be lonely
When she says baby
Well I can’t help but be scared of it all sometimes”
Life right now is black and white… I’m living in my own little bubble, like Pleasantville, trying to figure everything out and little under a week later and I’m no further forward. I’m probably moving backwards…
I long, nay yearn to live life in technicolour again but what do you do when the rain has washed everything away?
I choose to panic…
Turns out I’m not shivering from the cold in here, I’m ill…
Not in the “I’ve got a runny nose so it must be the flu” ill… The full blown shaking and shivering, nauseous, afraid to eat because the two bits of toast I had stayed down for all of 2 minutes, stomach churning feeling…
I guess the events of the last few days hasn’t helped my general state of health. I can’t stay in the house though as my mind is wandering to really freaky daydreams, well not daydreams as such, but episodes of panic and with this my mind conjures up strange sights that doesn’t help matters.
I need to see a doctor really soon before I lose what I have left of my mind…
I hate waking up and the heating is off… I’m so cold I can barely type as my fingers are shaking violently. I wanted to get up early so I could go to the post office and see how it would cost to send Phil and Erika their big ass package… But Moblog readers will know I was out in the pub with people from work last night, so no way in hell am I in any state to face the outside world today.
I hate going out to drink, because I always say I’ll stay for a few or an hour or so, but invariably it turns into a lot more than a few and I’m usually the last one to leave. And now it’s getting harder to shake off the effects the next day, like early last year when I was out on a Friday night and ended up vomiting blood the next day…. Or the time I was in Boston and made a complete fool of myself, nearly dying in the process… Good times…
No wait, their not.
I’m old before my time, even my lame ass attempts to impress women is fading faster than a blown light bulb.
What’s left for me?
Is the Post Office still open? Should I go outside?
Any ideas?
“From the very start
It came apart
It broke up into pieces and
There was a chance and I missed it
It could risked it
And I put myself in your handsCause you’re not just anyone
You’re my ladder to the sun
Oh you’re not just anyone
You’re a ladder to the sunI had it all and I risked it
A chance and I missed it
I had it all and I risked it on
Risked it onOh I risked it on
A ladder to the
A ladder to the sun”
I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but I’ll remember her like this… It seems so very long ago indeed.
We all remember Jessica Lynch surely… That poster girl of American dumbness who’s weapon jammed and she was caught and tortured behind enemy lines in Iraq, then she was rescued in an all guns blazing, some might say daring, siege on the hospital she was stuck in…
“It was like a Hollywood film. They cried ‘go, go, go’, with guns and blanks without bullets, blanks and the sound of explosions. They made a show for the American attack on the hospital – action movies like Sylvester Stallone or Jackie Chan.”
As for Private Lynch, her status as cult hero is stronger than ever. Internet auction sites list Jessica Lynch items, from an oil painting with an opening bid of $200 to a $5 “America Loves Jessica Lynch” fridge magnet.
But doctors now say she has no recollection of the whole episode and probably never will.”
Now she’s remembering enough to nab a $1M book deal… Even that article says:
“Jessica Lynch was brutally raped by her Iraqi captors. That is the shocking revelation in “I Am a Soldier, Too,” the much-anticipated authorized biography of the former POW. A copy of the book was obtained by The Daily News yesterday. Best selling author Rick Bragg tells Lynch’s story for her, often using her own words. Thankfully, she has no memory of the rape.”
Am I the only one who thinks this “heroine” is far from heroic? What’s heroic about being caught and unable to defend yourself because your weapon was jammed (probably due to her not taking proper care of it)…
I dunno.
Just perfect
Tabbing
(G) I think I’ve got a good idea
(D) if you’d just take a right turn here
(Am7) we’ll go right past the place I come from
(C) I’ll tell you everything that I’ve done
(G) sometimes I wonder why you stayed
(Em) so long after the fire went away
(Am7) didn’t want you around to hear them (C) say(chorus:)
(G) they’re still ar(D)ound here somewhere
(C) I can’t be(D)lieve we haven’t (G) seen
your face ar(D)ound here lately
(C) why did you (D) leave?(G) sometimes I take the long way home
(D) just so I can ride these roads
(Am7) just so i can think of midnight
(C) and wonder if it all turned out right
(G) and even though you felt I was wrong
(Em) never really felt I belonged
(Am7) and even though I stayed behind
(C) you won’t hear them say this time(ext. chorus)
(G) they’re still a(D)round here somewhere
(C) I can’t be(D)lieve we haven’t (G)seen
your face a(D)round here lately
(C) why did you (D) leave, what did you (G) need?
what did you (D) need, what did you (C) see?
in all of those (D) places I’ve never (G) been
in all of those (D) faces I’d never (C) dream
that you’d find a (D) way to come home (Am) clean[bridge]
(Am x2)*(Em)(D)
(Am x2)(Bm)(D)
(Am x2)(Em)(D)
(Am x2)(C x2)[* First Am is the last one in the preceding chorus]
(G) I think we’ve got the right idea
(D) take the wheel and drive out of here
(Am7) cut our losses and leave ’em at the roadside
(C) but trouble tends to hitch a ride
(G) we’ll go back to the place we began
(Em) to whiskey and the best laid plans
(Am7) and they don’t need to under(C)stand(ext. chorus variation)
(G) they’re still a(D)round here somewhere
(C) I can’t be(D)lieve we haven’t (G)seen
your face a(D)round here lately
(C) why did you (D) leave, what did you (Em) need?
what did you (D) need, what did you (Am7) see?
in all of those (C) places I’ve never (Em) been
in all of those (D) faces I’d never (Am7) dream
that you’d find a (C) way to come home (G) cleanOutro:
(G)(D)(Am7)(C) x2
Resolve to G
Thank you Shannon and Scott, you touched me in places I’d never dreamt…
