Author: Greg

I’d love to say I was busy today but alas I was not. No calls to see why the server wasn’t working because it’s working fine so all I did was relay messages from my mobile phone to people on the message board me and my bosses inhabit to tell others about their movements during their whirlwind European vacation, lucky for some…

I’m a namewhore… I’ll admit it.

So imagine my joy when I googled Scam City and 8 of the top 10 results belong to me!

ME!

And to compound matters, number one is www.scamcity.com which used to be mine, and this blog is top of page two after less than a week… so 10 of the top 11 have, at one point, belonged to me.

ME!

Sure it’s shallow, but it made me smile.

I’ve just consumed a whole can of sliced pineapples in their juices…

Fucking delicous, just wanted to share that.

Now I’m on 24 hour call incase my bosses server’s shit hits the fan when their away, and getting paid for it so hopefully this will be money for sitting on my ass until Tuesday.

I guess technically I’m getting paid to do this, too sweet…

Oh, while I remember… Yesterday was International Left-Handers Day and no one even offered to buy me lunch, thanks.

With all this free time to myself I’m finding myself reading lots of stuff online to keep me occupied… First stop is always The International Herald Tribune site, mainly cause it has such a bad ass design, plus the articles interest me too. Then I’ll take a looksie at various message boards, maybe fire up Trillian to see who’s online then settle down with some tunes blaring at insanely high volume from winamp…

But anyways, I’m reading about things that used to interest me as a kid, like old cartoons, games and, strangely, Greek Mythology… I loved Greek Mythology in high school, mainly because my impression at the time was that the Greeks must have been doing some pretty serious drugs to come up with this stuff. I think I was wrong, though. As I’ve been re-exploring the gods and myths and tales, I’ve been seeing just how much sense, in a sense, it all makes. I don’t think the Greeks were doing any drugs at all. I think they had a tight grip on reality.

For example, here’s a story from Bulfinch’s Mythology involving Rhæcus and a Dryad (a Dryad is a nymph whose mortality is linked to a tree; if the tree dies, she dies):

Rhæcus, happening to see an oak just ready to fall, ordered his servants to prop it up. The nymph, who had been on the point of perishing with the tree, came and expressed her gratitude to him for having saved her life, and bade him ask what reward he would have for it. Rhæcus boldly asked her love, and the nymph yielded to his desire. She at the same time charged him to be constant, and told him that a bee should be her messenger, and let him know when she would admit his society. One time the bee came to Rhæcus when he was playing at draughts, and he carelessly brushed it away. This so incensed the nymph that she deprived him of sight.

That’s it. That’s the whole story. And we, the readers, can come away from such a story with a very simple, clear, obvious message: Huh? What? Da hell?

The stories I was told as a kid always had some very clear message, some moral that it beat you over the head with. Never talk to strangers. Always share with your friends. Slow and steady wins the race. It’s okay to steal from and kill giants. Don’t trust witches, no matter how delicious the construction materials of their homes appear to be. That sorta thing.

I don’t really see anything like that in the story of Rhæcus and the Dryad. He saves her, he asks for her “love”, she agrees, she later sends a bee for him, he ignores it, she blinds him for life. What the hell kind of story is that? Doesn’t have any sort of moral message, other than “don’t diss someone who owes you a huge favour or they may blind you.” It’s just sort of weird and harsh and random and pointless.

Like I said, the Greeks had a good handle on reality.

I’ve updated the story of Rhæcus into modern times and terms. Let’s say you were flipping through the newspaper and came across this story:

WOMAN BLINDS GOOD SAMARITAN

AKRON, Ohio – A Kenmore woman was arrested and charged with felony assault early Monday after breaking into Akron resident Ronald Custer’s home and attacking him with a screwdriver. Custer, who was rushed to Akron General Medical Center with severe wounds to his face, claims the woman, whose name has not been released, broke into his apartment and stabbed him in both eyes. According to Custer, he had saved this same woman’s life last Thursday when she nearly stepped into the path of a speeding lumber truck, after which they had gone out on a date and he had given her his home phone number.

Troy Campbell, a friend of Custer’s and eyewitness to the attack, said he and Custer had been playing Playstation games Sunday night when the telephone rang. Campbell says Custer ignored the phone and an hour later the woman broke in and assaulted him, screaming “Don’t you dare screen my calls!”

Doctors say the damage to Custer’s eyes is extensive and he may never regain his eyesight.

If I came across that in a newspaper, I’d think: “Man, that’s fucked up.” And then what? I’d turn the page and read about some other horrible fucked up people or crime or murder or bombing or accident or statistic.

And that, I think, is where the Greeks had it right. Moral? Nah, not really, and why should there be? There aren’t morals to most real stories. Anything can happen to anyone for any reason or, more often, no reason at all. I think the Greeks understood that well. I don’t really know what I’m talking about here, being just a casual reader, but it seems to me that most everyone in Greek mythology, be they Gods or creatures or humans, are jealous, ruthless, angry, passionate, scheming, insecure, violent beings. Stories often end with some poor mortal being flayed alive or fried with a lightning bolt, often for the tiniest offense or none at all.

If I step outside tonight and I’m vapourized by a bolt of lightning, my friends and family might wonder: “Gosh, why did that happen? he didn’t deserve it.”

Representatives of some other religions I won’t mention here would probably offer up some comforting explanations. “God loves Greg, that is why he completely and horribly fried him so. Greg had to die, twitching and burning like an caterpillar under a magnifying glass. Shrieking as his skin was melting like a cheap candle and his eyes were exploding like cherry tomatoes in a microwave, because of God’s love for him! It was God’s will that Greg should die so horribly, and in full view of all those people whose dreams will forever be haunted by Greg’s horrible screams and the smell of his cooking flesh. Though we do not understand it, Greg’s tragic, extremely painful, unbelievably messy death is part of God’s benevolent plan.”

The Greeks? They’d have said, “Hey, Zeus is a dick. What can ya do?”

So I got a letter today saying I won’t be getting any money afterall…

Time to start a war!

Once again some people have nothing better to do with their time than fuck about with your average joe schmoe internet user by creating worms that paralyze their PC whenever they try to log on…

My thought for today: The three most beautiful words in the English language are no longer “I Love You”. Now they are “Install Firewall Now!“

I had to go back to the doctors again today for a check up and things are going pretty well and I should be back to full fitness in about 3 to 4 weeks.

I’m still pissed off that I’m still waiting on money to come through as funds are reaching an all time low, the government are quick to take money off me but when I’m due some back it takes them forever to get off their asses and get shit done… 22 working days the letter said, that’s like 4 weeks. FOUR WEEKS!!!

I have bills that need paid, I wonder how they would like it if I sent them a letter saying payment would be made in 22 working days. I also have other plans (like taking a trip) that are really getting screwed the longer this damn situation goes on, I’ve decided to call them up and if I don’t get the answer I’m looking for I’ll probably lose the plot altogether.

On a side note, as I was going to the doctors and then the supermarket I finally shaved, I’m no longer looking like a hobo, more like a normal functioning member of society, which is a shame.

By the way, and I hate to admit this, because people think I’m strange enough, I had this weird dream last night. It was like Fight Club and blogging combined, where Ed Norton and Brad Pitt kept walking around and saying stuff like, “This is is your life, and it’s ending one post at a time” and “On a long enough blog, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero” and then beating each other up while I watched.

It was kinda cool…

Though I refuse to say I actually dreamed of blogging, but there were blog-like elements involved and I don’t know how I feel about that.

Well, today was officially the hottest day ever in the UK as Heathrow Airport recorded a temperature of 37.1°C (98.8°F), then 90 minutes later they topped that with 37.9°C (100.2°F)… Glasgow was just a measly 23°C (73°F), that’s your useless info for today.

OK, here’s a bit more… Imagine my surprise last night when I turn around to see this

Over a dozen moths all crowded round the light, I was expecting Mothra to be outside the window and shit.

I won’t tell you how I disposed of them, but it wasn’t the Buddhist way…

Anyhow, I’m listening to Skid Row’s “In a Darkened Room” right now. It’s part of the Rock Out With Your Cock Out, Vol. 1 compilation I’m making. It also contains such gems as Alice Cooper’s “Poison”, Slaughter’s “Fly to the Angels”, Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” and the Scorpions’ “Still Loving You”.

It all started with that fabled C-G-C-G-D chord progression from which every power ballad spawns, which somehow turned into “I Remember You”, which turned into the Cheesy Metal Power Hour. So I’m sitting in front of the computer putting together an album that could probably sell a million copies on late night television for $24.99 a pop. And it’s so much better than Monster Ballads, by the way.

Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about…

As I was constantly reminded today, it has been 11 weeks since Rangers won the Scottish Premier League (for a world record 50th time) in the most exciting 90 minutes of football since time began. Not much has happened since that fateful afternoon in May but who cares, the new football season began today…

Rangers were having a party to celebrate the unfurling of the Championship flag (again, for a world record 50th time) and Kilmarnock were the opposition, and what an opposition… They went down 4-0 and had a man sent off after 35 minutes.

Meanwhile, as Kilmarnock were being put to the sword (by hari-kari mostly), Cross town rivals… Well, to say rivals is a bit tame as Rangers and Celtic is a hatred based on sectarian bigotry with Rangers representing the protestant and Celtic the catholic sides of Glasgow, but I digress… as Rangers were strolling, Celtic were struggling to get going and drew 0-0 with Dunfermline so after the first game of the season we’re already 2 points ahead. I’ll take that thank you very much…

And all that was before 3 o’clock…

I’ve generally been feeling like crap today, I’ve next to no money as the government is taking it’s sweet time in assessing my claim for invalidity benefit due to my recent stay in hospital. It’s still far too hot outside and no end to this heat wave seems to be in sight. At least it is cooling down, albeit ever so slightly.

Weird, just as I typed that it began to rain.

Maybe I’ll win the lottery today… Or maybe not as the draw was about 30 minutes ago.

Can’t have everything I suppose.

New look? nah, new gig altogether…

Blogger was seriously pissing me off, it’s just too limiting in too many aspects, so I was all ready to whine at my webhosts/bosses to install Movable Type with many an idle threat up my sleeve when I was reading The Ani Moller Website and she was mentioning new blogging software she was thinking about using on her website (which I’m plugging too many times)… One of them was b2, which I’d never even heard about…

I took a quick look at their site and downloaded the relevant files to poke about with and was blown away at how easy it was to install… Change one file, upload the directory and that’s it. Admitedly you need to tamper about with a MySQL database but that was already set up for me. 5 minutes later I had copied the entries from Blogger (and comments) over and was well pleased with my day’s work.

If only everything was this simple instead of screwing around with numerous files and crap.

I may work on this template now, and unlike MT or pMachine it’s just one file, not a dozen or so little ones.

So this is my new home until I get bored and move onto the next thing… whatever and whenever that will be.

Another day, another fight with Melody…

I thought I was smart, I thought I was right
I thought it better not to fight
I thought there was a virtue in always being cool
So it came time to fight, I thought I’ll just step aside
And that the time would prove you wrong
And that you would be the fool

I don’t know where the sunbeams end and that the starlights begin
It’s all a mystery

Oh, to fight is to defend
If it’s not now then tell me when would be the time
That you would stand up and be a man
For to lose I could accept
But to surrender I just wept
And regretted this moment, oh that I, I was the fool

I don’t know where the sunbeams end and that the starlights begin
It’s all a mystery
And I don’t know how a man decides what’s right for his own life
It’s all a mystery

‘Cause I’m a man, not a boy
And there are things you can’t avoid
You have to face them when you’re not prepared to face them
If I could, I would, but you’re with him
I’d do no good
I should have fought him but instead I let him, I let him take you

I don’t know where the sunbeams end and that the starlights begin
It’s all a mystery
And I don’t know how a man decides what’s right for his own life
It’s all a mystery

At least I have a new template, needs work but it’s a start

Godammit!

It’s 30°C here right now… It’s only supposed to be 29°C today. And as it’s a naturally arctic climate I live in the locals have no idea how to deal with this… I predict skin cancer cases will shoot uexponentialy as all the guys will take their top off, sit on the grass and consume at least 12 cans of strong lager.

All people do is complain when it’s too cold, too wet, too hot. MAKE YOUR MIND UP PEOPLE!

Right now I’d straight up kill for a Vanilla Coke Slurpee out of 7-Eleven, if only we had those over here. There’s no Ice-Cream in the freezer because I polished it off on Monday, in fact there’s very little cold drinks period. What to do?

I would go outside but… Well, that’s a no-brainer really… I could work on this a bit more, make everything work properly. Or look for a job, but it’s too soon for that right now

After not getting what I wanted installed by my busy webhosts (can’t really complain as they give me this place for free) I’ve gone back to the old faithful Blogger… Simple, clean, painless, easy access, the list of superlatives goes on and on… To tide me over in the meantime, and this is pretty dirty for a stopgap.

Blogger templates have been dramatically reduced, and what’s left kinda sucks so off to blogskins.com I go only to find a heavy load of really pathetic templates… But I guess it will do until I can get round to designing my own…

I have plenty of time, sitting about the house all day has led me to cabin fever, and having a screaming 18 month old baby doesn’t help one bit… So it’s time to put this free time to use. Time to be productive…

Watch this space.