Well, we had the talk (again) and (again) it seems like I’m doomed to a life of Friends™. Is that my life? Always the nice guy who tries to do the right thing but ends up just being the friend™? The Human Doormat™?
Ask anyone, I can empathise and mirror someones feeling like it’s no ones business. But when it comes to my own I’m in complete denial…
Anon Person: “Hey Greg, how you feeling?”
Greg’s Mind: “I’m dying here man, I’m cold, sad and lonely, I wish a bus would hit me so I’d be put out my misery… Oh woe is me”
Greg: “I’m peachy, how are you?”
I’m not one for suicidal tendencies, so don’t worry about that. I’m just wondering where I go from here. I’m not the first one to feel heartache and loss like this, and I know I’ll get over it someday, but what to do until that day? I’ve not so much as looked at another woman for the last few years, so I dunno what to do… I think about her all the time, I talk to her (in my head) all the time.
I’ll just stop my stupid whining, I think you people must be sick of it, god knows I’m sick of it…
But there I go again, repressing emotions and staying in denial…
I could say whatever I want here, no one can stop me, Melody never reads this anymore anyways, back in the old days she was my number one fan, and critic, and editor of sorts by pointing out spelling and grammatical mistakes that I’m prone to do. She sat with me night in and night out as I typed whatever it was I was typing and gave some creative input from time to time. I took a break at the end of 2001 so I could spend more time with her instead of spending night after night on the PC.
She was my world and now she’s gone. I just hope whoever she ends up with treats her right, or I’ll exercise my Best Friend™ duty and curb kick his ass, Sonny Corleone style…
So what does this mean for me? I don’t have any answers to any questions… It’s funny, because when we talk about old times, she remembers the bad stuff and I remember the good stuff, maybe we were just polar opposites trying to connect… Maybe there was real love in there, and as Sting said “If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free”. Well, I love her, and I’m setting her free, maybe she’ll come back or maybe she won’t, but that’s beyond my control, and I hate not being in control of my own destiny.
Comments
One response to “The Aftermath”
Oh God. I am where you are… I *refuse* to go into my own sad story, unless I can do it over pints… VBG Let me just say that it does, eventually get easier… Oftentimes, though, it takes entirely to long to want to think about. Not making sense I know. Back to my lair, or is that hole.