In my long history of bad ideas, this weekend rates pretty high as a god-almighty bad idea…
Maybe in my delusional mind it was a good idea and up until a few hours ago it was a good idea, but I’m battling myself and, unsurprisingly, I’m losing…
I’m not sure what I had in mind to come and see her, maybe I was thinking some crazy shit, and based on the crazy shit I’ve been thinking recently, it must have been some real crazy shit… Everytime I think I have it all under control, a wave of wild emotion washes over me… Like we’re sitting on the couch and I just want to snuggle up against her, or even just touch her, but I can’t, it’s so frustrating… We’re out and about in town and I can’t but help but look at her, I want to kiss her, I want to hug her, I want everything to be alright but I won’t… It’s too far gone for that and I know I wouldnt be happy if things were back to normal but don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone. I want to tell her I love her dearly, but that would just freak her out and make the rest of the weekend become more awkward than it needs to be… Or already is…
Typical bullshit from me ladies and gentlemen. I need to get my head checked.
Even right now, I’m glacing over at her, hoping for eye contact, a spark of recognition, a sign… ANYTHING, but anything is fleeting and that’s not how it’s going to go down.
My heart skips a beat when she say’s I look better than I have in years, but nothing comes of it… We have nothing in common, we have nothing to talk about. Well we do have something to talk about but we just don’t want to talk about it, or I don’t want to talk about it. It’s a catch-22 situation, I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
Then the weather kicks in and a foot of snow dumps it’s self outside practically marooning us in here. Who can be bothered battling through those elements? Certainly not me!
So the frost inside matches the frost outside, I just hope we can start to talk, and take it from there.
I know she wants to read this now, should I delete it? I know it’s going to incriminate me…
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One response to “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow…”
so…. !! what happened??