I was fiddling around with a few things today and spied a link to technorati.com where you can put in your URL and see what hot linking whores are, well, hot linking you…
So I spies a link to my site I hadn’t seen before and took a gander, and it cheered me right up as he was referring the Big Grammatical Catastrophe entry from a week or so back… Not only that, but GeoURL says he lives just down the road in Cumbernauld, small world.
So now I’m trying out this TrackBack thing to see how it works. What, you were expecting something interesting or enlightening?
I’m back home from my weekend away in London.
Talk about having a good time… I would love to go into great detail about what was going on but it really was a “you had to be there” kind of thing as many jokes would go right over your head. Instead I’ll show you a few choice pictures of the weekend.
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It’s 5am and you’re still awake…
I was feeling sleepy around midnight when I took a shot of Absinthe, god damn you Absinthe… Green death flavour indeed…
Since then I’ve been out in the garden laughing my ass off with Andy and Stu talking about The Simpsons for hours on end under paraffin lamp light. Watching complete and utter shit on TV, like REALLY old episodes of “Roseanne” and “Mork and Mindy” while knocking back a rather delightful cup of tea.
Now I face the prospect of sleeping on an airbed (sans duvet and pillows) in the office with the constant hum of PC’s in the background and a cat that’s surely trying to kill me, not if I kill him first….
But house rule number 17 clearly states “NO ABUSING THE CAT!!!!“… It never said anything about self defence though.
It’s gonna be a short ass sleep, mainly because I’m blocking the main throughway to the kitchen so as soon as anyone wakes up with a case of the munchies then you can bet I’ll be woken up… I’m giving myself 2 to 4 hours tops.
What a weird, strange, slightly surreal day…
Well, day and a half really… It all begins around lunchtime on Thursday.
My “bosses” ask me if I can make it down to London this weekend, I say “Sorry man, got no money, don’t you read my website? I mean, you host it afterall”, they reply “No biggie… We’ll pay for you to come down, hang on while we transfer £200 in to your bank account”, I say “Wha??”…
So I wait and wait but no money arrives, I’m beginning to worry ever so slightly.
6pm rolls around and no money comes, so Erika says “OK, I’ll book your flight, when can you come?”, I say “Anytime really…” but due to some real shitty rules she couldn’t book my flight, “We’ll try tomorrow then”.
Today rolls around and still no money appears much to my chagrin but Phil says “I can book your flight today, get your shit ready and I’ll call you when it’s done”. 11am rolls around and I leave the house en route to Glasgow airport when I receive word that I’m booked on the 12pm flight.
Great, cue some Wacky Racers like action by me to get to the airport on time, which I do and scored an emergency exit seat on the plane (my first time EVER!). I arrive in Gatwick and Phil meets me to take me back to his house in Croydon where I’ve spent the last 8 hours drinking, playing uno, drinking, eating, playing the “Name Game” drinking game, drinking and finally typing this shit out…
Not your average day by any stretch of the imagination but I’ll see how this goes…
I’ll be back home Tuesday night, no doubts to a proverbial shitstorm but meh, you only live once. Maybe I’ll update you during the weekend, maybe I’ll post pictures, we’ll see how it goes.
Whats with people wearing glasses when they dont need them? Why is it cool to wear glasses now?
I’ve been wearing glasses all my life and I’ve never been cool because of it… In fact I was picked on at school constantly for years because of it. Yet a few “celebrities” like Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams and David Beckham start wearing glasses as fashion accessories and it’s all cool.
What about me? I have to wear mine… I wish I didn’t. I’ll never be cool because I wear glasses.
Meanwhile on the other side of town…
Whats wit muthas wearing glasses when they dont need ‘em? Why is that shiznit bomb diggity wear glasses now?
I’ve been wearing glasses izzall my life ‘n I’ve never been bomb diggity because of that shiznit… In fact I wuz picked on at school constantly fo’ years because of that shiznit, know what I’m sayin’? Yet a few “celebrities” like Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams ‘n David Beckham start wearing glasses as fashion accessories ‘n that shiznit’s izzall bomb diggity.
What ’bout me? I has wear mine, know what I’m sayin’?.. I wish I didn’t. I’ll never be bomb diggity because I wear glasses n’ shit.
Oh yeah. The Shizzolator
The time has come when I can no longer use my hospital visit as an excuse for not having a job. So I’ve dusted off the old CV, updated it and embellished it… You know, the usual stuff… I’ve also got an appointment with my old employment agency at 9:15am tomorrow so no late nights any more by the looks of it.
Not that I was ever up late of course.
And yes, the eagle eyed readers out there may notice that this is really entry #17, that was due to me screwing around way back at the beginning of this with test posts and what not.
Sorry.
I’m going through that whole “Why am I here?!” blogger’s phase, where you decide ten times a day you’re going to quit, and then think of something really cool to blog about, but you put it off, and then you forget to blog about the really cool thing and finally you forget what the really cool thing was, at which point you post an entry with a sentence that rivals the endurance of Forrest Gump and decide to tell people that you’re not dead, that you haven’t quit, that you’re just slightly apathetic at the moment and a little listless from lack of social stimulation, so you’re contemplating either closing down the blog or maybe just having a Vanilla Coke and seeing if that fixes things.
I’ll keep you posted…
I’d love to say I was busy today but alas I was not. No calls to see why the server wasn’t working because it’s working fine so all I did was relay messages from my mobile phone to people on the message board me and my bosses inhabit to tell others about their movements during their whirlwind European vacation, lucky for some…
I’m a namewhore… I’ll admit it.
So imagine my joy when I googled Scam City and 8 of the top 10 results belong to me!
ME!
And to compound matters, number one is www.scamcity.com which used to be mine, and this blog is top of page two after less than a week… so 10 of the top 11 have, at one point, belonged to me.
ME!
Sure it’s shallow, but it made me smile.
I’ve just consumed a whole can of sliced pineapples in their juices…
Fucking delicous, just wanted to share that.
Now I’m on 24 hour call incase my bosses server’s shit hits the fan when their away, and getting paid for it so hopefully this will be money for sitting on my ass until Tuesday.
I guess technically I’m getting paid to do this, too sweet…
Oh, while I remember… Yesterday was International Left-Handers Day and no one even offered to buy me lunch, thanks.
With all this free time to myself I’m finding myself reading lots of stuff online to keep me occupied… First stop is always The International Herald Tribune site, mainly cause it has such a bad ass design, plus the articles interest me too. Then I’ll take a looksie at various message boards, maybe fire up Trillian to see who’s online then settle down with some tunes blaring at insanely high volume from winamp…
But anyways, I’m reading about things that used to interest me as a kid, like old cartoons, games and, strangely, Greek Mythology… I loved Greek Mythology in high school, mainly because my impression at the time was that the Greeks must have been doing some pretty serious drugs to come up with this stuff. I think I was wrong, though. As I’ve been re-exploring the gods and myths and tales, I’ve been seeing just how much sense, in a sense, it all makes. I don’t think the Greeks were doing any drugs at all. I think they had a tight grip on reality.
For example, here’s a story from Bulfinch’s Mythology involving Rhæcus and a Dryad (a Dryad is a nymph whose mortality is linked to a tree; if the tree dies, she dies):
Rhæcus, happening to see an oak just ready to fall, ordered his servants to prop it up. The nymph, who had been on the point of perishing with the tree, came and expressed her gratitude to him for having saved her life, and bade him ask what reward he would have for it. Rhæcus boldly asked her love, and the nymph yielded to his desire. She at the same time charged him to be constant, and told him that a bee should be her messenger, and let him know when she would admit his society. One time the bee came to Rhæcus when he was playing at draughts, and he carelessly brushed it away. This so incensed the nymph that she deprived him of sight.
That’s it. That’s the whole story. And we, the readers, can come away from such a story with a very simple, clear, obvious message: Huh? What? Da hell?
The stories I was told as a kid always had some very clear message, some moral that it beat you over the head with. Never talk to strangers. Always share with your friends. Slow and steady wins the race. It’s okay to steal from and kill giants. Don’t trust witches, no matter how delicious the construction materials of their homes appear to be. That sorta thing.
I don’t really see anything like that in the story of Rhæcus and the Dryad. He saves her, he asks for her “love”, she agrees, she later sends a bee for him, he ignores it, she blinds him for life. What the hell kind of story is that? Doesn’t have any sort of moral message, other than “don’t diss someone who owes you a huge favour or they may blind you.” It’s just sort of weird and harsh and random and pointless.
Like I said, the Greeks had a good handle on reality.
I’ve updated the story of Rhæcus into modern times and terms. Let’s say you were flipping through the newspaper and came across this story:
WOMAN BLINDS GOOD SAMARITAN
AKRON, Ohio – A Kenmore woman was arrested and charged with felony assault early Monday after breaking into Akron resident Ronald Custer’s home and attacking him with a screwdriver. Custer, who was rushed to Akron General Medical Center with severe wounds to his face, claims the woman, whose name has not been released, broke into his apartment and stabbed him in both eyes. According to Custer, he had saved this same woman’s life last Thursday when she nearly stepped into the path of a speeding lumber truck, after which they had gone out on a date and he had given her his home phone number.
Troy Campbell, a friend of Custer’s and eyewitness to the attack, said he and Custer had been playing Playstation games Sunday night when the telephone rang. Campbell says Custer ignored the phone and an hour later the woman broke in and assaulted him, screaming “Don’t you dare screen my calls!”
Doctors say the damage to Custer’s eyes is extensive and he may never regain his eyesight.
If I came across that in a newspaper, I’d think: “Man, that’s fucked up.” And then what? I’d turn the page and read about some other horrible fucked up people or crime or murder or bombing or accident or statistic.
And that, I think, is where the Greeks had it right. Moral? Nah, not really, and why should there be? There aren’t morals to most real stories. Anything can happen to anyone for any reason or, more often, no reason at all. I think the Greeks understood that well. I don’t really know what I’m talking about here, being just a casual reader, but it seems to me that most everyone in Greek mythology, be they Gods or creatures or humans, are jealous, ruthless, angry, passionate, scheming, insecure, violent beings. Stories often end with some poor mortal being flayed alive or fried with a lightning bolt, often for the tiniest offense or none at all.
If I step outside tonight and I’m vapourized by a bolt of lightning, my friends and family might wonder: “Gosh, why did that happen? he didn’t deserve it.”
Representatives of some other religions I won’t mention here would probably offer up some comforting explanations. “God loves Greg, that is why he completely and horribly fried him so. Greg had to die, twitching and burning like an caterpillar under a magnifying glass. Shrieking as his skin was melting like a cheap candle and his eyes were exploding like cherry tomatoes in a microwave, because of God’s love for him! It was God’s will that Greg should die so horribly, and in full view of all those people whose dreams will forever be haunted by Greg’s horrible screams and the smell of his cooking flesh. Though we do not understand it, Greg’s tragic, extremely painful, unbelievably messy death is part of God’s benevolent plan.”
The Greeks? They’d have said, “Hey, Zeus is a dick. What can ya do?”
So I got a letter today saying I won’t be getting any money afterall…
Time to start a war!
Once again some people have nothing better to do with their time than fuck about with your average joe schmoe internet user by creating worms that paralyze their PC whenever they try to log on…
My thought for today: The three most beautiful words in the English language are no longer “I Love You”. Now they are “Install Firewall Now!“
I had to go back to the doctors again today for a check up and things are going pretty well and I should be back to full fitness in about 3 to 4 weeks.
I’m still pissed off that I’m still waiting on money to come through as funds are reaching an all time low, the government are quick to take money off me but when I’m due some back it takes them forever to get off their asses and get shit done… 22 working days the letter said, that’s like 4 weeks. FOUR WEEKS!!!
I have bills that need paid, I wonder how they would like it if I sent them a letter saying payment would be made in 22 working days. I also have other plans (like taking a trip) that are really getting screwed the longer this damn situation goes on, I’ve decided to call them up and if I don’t get the answer I’m looking for I’ll probably lose the plot altogether.
On a side note, as I was going to the doctors and then the supermarket I finally shaved, I’m no longer looking like a hobo, more like a normal functioning member of society, which is a shame.
By the way, and I hate to admit this, because people think I’m strange enough, I had this weird dream last night. It was like Fight Club and blogging combined, where Ed Norton and Brad Pitt kept walking around and saying stuff like, “This is is your life, and it’s ending one post at a time” and “On a long enough blog, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero” and then beating each other up while I watched.
It was kinda cool…
Though I refuse to say I actually dreamed of blogging, but there were blog-like elements involved and I don’t know how I feel about that.
Is there anyone who is truly 100% satisfied whenever a list that spans “all time” crops up? Of course not, there will always be a difference of opinion but now the Rolling Stone takes a shot at the 100 Greatest Guitarists OF ALL TIME!!!
It’s just sad, man!
OK, I don’t mind Jimi Hendrix being number 1 with a bullet or that Stevie Ray Vaughn is only 7th… But a few glaring errors appear thereafter, just off the top of my head, people I can’t believe didn’t make the list:
Yngwie Malmsteen
Joe Satriani
Steve Vai
Marty Friedman
People I can’t believe DID make the list:
Kurt Cobain
Kirk Hammett
Jack White
Ike Turner
Kim Thayil
Jeezus pleezus faithful readers, they have The Edge of U2 down in 24th, BEHIND the likes of Jack White and Kurt Cobain who have yet to show (or in Kurt’s case, ever will show) me any kind of guitar playing skills that will last the test of time… Who’d I miss? Who’d they miss? Oh, and dear Rolling Stone… If you were hurting for female guitar players so bad, did you have to put Joni Mitchell and Joan Jett above women like Bonnie Raitt and Jennifer Batten?
It’s true, 15 year old’s still edit the Rolling Stone…